Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

DA: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
LoL: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
DA: Did you know him?
LoL: No, but he sure was friendly.
DA: What happened after he sat down?
LoL:He started to rub my thigh.

DA: Did you stop him?
LoL: No, I didn’t stop him.
DA: Why not?
LoL: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
DA: What happened next?
LoL: He began to rub my breasts.
DA: Did you stop him then?
LoL: No, I did not stop him.
DA: Why not?
LoL: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!

DA: What happened next?
LoL: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just lay down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”
DA: Did he take you?
LoL: No! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him.

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. MillingtonChair - Search Committee412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson UniversityCollege Hill, MA  34109Dear Professor Millington,Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, Iregret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer mean assistant professor position in your department. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusuallylarge number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising fieldof candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience inrejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs atthis time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professorin your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then. Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.Sincerely,Chris L. Jensen

High School/Jr.High

  10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"  20 END

First year in College

  program Hello(input, output)    begin      writeln('Hello World')    end.

Senior year in College

  (defun hello    (print      (cons 'Hello (list 'World))))

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.. If you spray hairspray on dust balls and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dogleash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 20 Kg boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 6m x 6m room.
5. You should not throw cricket balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat,you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a cricket ball a long way. The glass in windows (even double-glazed) doesn’t stop a cricket ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how many jelly crystals you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like jelly crystals.
15. Video recorders do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Rubbish bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that smell is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire service in Oxford has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
80% of Men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.

SourceForge.net Community Choice Awards:
Award Categories

* Most Likely to Change the World <= yeah, right!
* Best New Project
* Most Likely to Be Ambiguously Accused of Patent Violation <= nice one
* Most Likely to Get Users Sued <= *ROFL*
* Best Tool or Utility for SysAdmins
* Best Tool or Utility for Developers
* Best Project
* Best Project for the Enterprise
* Best Project for Educators
* Most Likely to Be the Next $1B Acquisition <= i want to get this one
* Best Project for Multimedia
* Best Project for Gamers