Comprehending Engineers

Comprehending Engineers-Take One
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An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

“Where did you get such a great bike?” asked the first.

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.  She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,  Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Comprehending Engineers-Take Two
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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

“Both?”

Engineer: “Yeah.  If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”

Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
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To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Loose weight makeing sex

Sex is the most practical and funniest way of losing weight.
Look how many calories you can burn:

* TAKING OFF THE CLOTHES
With her agreement…………………………12 cal
Without her agreement……………………..187 cal

* TAKING OFF THE BRA
With both hands…………………………….8 cal
With one hand……………………………..12 cal
With one hand being slapped…………………37 cal
With the mouth…………………………….85 cal

* PUTTING ON THE CONDOM
With erection………………………………6 cal
Without erection………………………….315 cal

* WHEN DOING IT
Holding her up…………………………….12 cal
Just on the floor…………………………..8 cal

* POSITIONS
daddy-mummy……………………………….12 cal
69 laying………………………………….8 cal
69 standing up……………………………112 cal
Trolley………………………………….216 cal
Italian chandelier………………………..912 cal

* HAVING AN ORGASM
Real…………………………………….112 cal
Fake…………………………………….315 cal

* POST ORGASM
Staying in bed…………………………….18 cal
Jumping off the bed………………………..36 cal
Explaining why she jumped off the bed……….816 cal

* GETTING THE SECOND ERECTION
Between 16 and 19 years of age………………12 cal
from 20 to 29……………………………..36 cal
from 30 to 39…………………………….108 cal
from 40 to 49…………………………….324 cal
from 50 to 59…………………………….972 cal
over 60…………………………………2916 cal

* PUTTING ON THE CLOTHES
Quietly…………………………………..32 cal
Being in a hurry…………………………..98 cal
With her husband opening the door………….1218 cal